I was having trouble getting to sleep last night, so I decided to stay up to watch the U.S. U-20 Men’s National Team at the U-20 World Cup against the Ukraine. The matches are in New Zealand and start at 3 a.m. ET. My half-asleep running commentary is below.
2:26 – I last had caffeine back at 9 p.m. It was a bit of Coke Zero. I keep thinking that maybe I want some now. Only problem is that might mess with me getting to sleep.
2:30 – It seems like the ultimate first world problem that this chair I’m in seems too comfy. It’s making me even sleepier.
2:34 – I’m pre-gaming by staring at the lineup on my screen and watching @midnight on the other. Chris Hardwick is one of my favorite comedians and I love what he does. But I can’t keep thinking that maybe he has made the show a bit too much about himself. It makes sense though, because of the staying power he can develop. He can have crappy guests occasionally if people are drawn in by his name. Rock on, Chris.
2:45 – I don’t know as many names on here as I would like.
2:50 – I’ve been reading Hemingway’s first novel The Sun Also Rises and I’m now self-aware that I’m maybe ending sentences too early. Hopefully it doesn’t continue.
2:54 – A commercial just showed for the “Most American Thickburger” at Hardee’s. If you’ve never seen it, you’re lucky. They put a split hot dog and potato chips on a burger. In the ad, it’s zoomed in on a model in an American flag bikini taking a bite out of the burger. Standard fare for Hardee’s. Then, the camera zooms out and the model and burger are in a jacked up truck. Further out, we see the truck is revving up and on an aircraft carrier and then there’s the Statue of Liberty.
This is while I’m still in @midnight, not during the soccer. I’m so thankful there are no commercials in soccer.
2:59 – We’re getting really close to kickoff and I remember that the U.S. isn’t even playing for anything. We have already qualified. I hereby set a provision, if either team moves to a three goal lead. I’m going to bed. Let’s do this.
3:00 – Jeff Ross is going to roast criminals in a prison. My faith in America is restored.
3:04 – This match started at 7 p.m. Auckland time. I hate to be THAT American, but couldn’t they have started at 5? If they waited until 7 to fill the stands, that clearly wasn’t happening anyway.
3:05 – Ukraine’s Kabiev just had a shot that barely missed. I kind of chuckled in a “you stayed up to watch Ukraine score in the fifth minute,” kind of way.
3:07 – Since this is the Ukraine playing America, is there a Russian team looming ominously around the stadium? In terms of geopolitical tension, these two teams met a little too late.
3:10 – I signed Gedion Zelalem in FIFA. He’s alright in the year 2023 (an 83 overall). I’m excited to finally watch him in a real match.
3:14 – I wonder why people Donetsk for my Kievs to the game.
3:23 – Ukraine is still the better team as action is heating up. Meanwhile, Mark Rogondinho and Cobi Jones try to act like they are actually in New Zealand and not in Fox’s L.A. studios.
3:26 – The Ukrainian goalkeeper bites the dust while punting. A microcosm of recent happenings in the country.
3:35 – There are some very British names in the American team. Bradford Jamieson IV, Erik Palmer-Brown and Cameron Carter Vickers sound like they should be preparing your legal will, not playing in a youth World Cup.
3:40 – Oops I fell asleep for a few minutes. Still no score for me to pass on in a secondhand nature, so we are good. Even then, I have DVR so I can go back and describe the goal to you. Or you could find it online. Actually, if you’re wanting real in-game analysis, this blog isn’t the way you should go.
4:00 – ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
9:30 – I fell asleep and never recovered. Ukraine won 3-0. That Kovalenko is going to be a star. He had a hat trick. Had I stayed up, I would have quit in the 79th because they went up three goals.