By, Braxton Crisp
Kyle Here. I thought it would be fun to take a look at the top 10 best names at the 2014 World Cup. I wanted my buddy Braxton Crisp, of Fulham bashing fame to do it though, because of his particular brand of humor. Braxton is a good writer and funny guy and he nailed this list with a caveat I’ll let him explain. Take it away, Braxton!
Let me preface this by saying that I picked these 10 players out by asking myself, “How fun would it be to hear Gus Johnson say these guys’ names?” Each one also has a bit about how I imagine Johnson to put his own spin on the names.
Hulk (Zenit – Russia / 27) Brazil
Can I just say that I would hate to get fouled by Hulk? Also, if the Brazilian finds the back of the net, I would not put it past Mr. Johnson from making a comic book reference during his call.
Jefferson (Botafogo – Brazil / 31) Brazil
Another Brazilian on my list, but for different reason. I could see Gus having a grand time with this name, but also, every time I say the name, it reminds me of the 70’s sitcom “The Jeffersons”
Klaas-Jan Huntelaar (Schalke – Germany/30yrs) Netherlands
I’m simply biased to names that contain double-a’s, and this one has that occurrence twice. Plus, long vowel sounds is a Gus Johnson explosion of a call waiting to happen.
Lazaros Christodoulopoulos (Bologna – Italy / 27yrs) Greece
How many people do you know with an eight-syllable name? Exactly. This is a perfect set up for a textbook Gus Johnson call.
Emilio Izaguirre (Celtic/Scotland) Honduras
I’m sure Izaguirre has had some interesting pronunciations of his name while in Scotland playing for his club team Celtic FC, but I picked him because I could really imagine Gus Johnson getting into the music of the first name, Emilio.
Gonzalo Higuaín (Napoli – Italy/ 27yrs) Argentina
The silent “H” makes this name an interesting one, especially since the Argentine is likely to see a lot of action alongside Lionel Messi, who we all know is going to get a lot of attention. Thus, plenty of opportunities for Johnson to put some flare on it.
Reza Ghoochannejhad (Charlton Atheltic – England / 26) Iran
Another name with upwards of five syllables=another field day for Johnson. The Iranian plays for Charlton Athletic, a Championship level team in England.
Chris Wondolowski (San Jose Earthquakes) USA
How could I not put an American on the list? Plus, Wondo has come up with a lot of clutch goals for the United States in the last 18 months, so he presents himself as a guy who will give Gus a lot of reasons to say his name extravagantly.
Ryad Boudebouz (Bastia – France / 24yrs) Algeria
A relatively unknown Algerian, Boudebouz has some alliteration going on in his last name, a language phenomenon right up Gus Johnson’s alley.
Ji Dong-Won (Augusburg – Germany / 22yrs) South Korea
The simplicity of the young South Korean’s name means Johnson will be able to rattle it off at breakneck speed.
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